Dating and Connecting as a Married Couple

Have you ever seen an older couple holding hands? I saw the cutest couple recently getting out of their car. The precious little old man got out of the car and went to his wife’s side and opened the door for her, helped her out, and then they held hands as they walked to the grocery store. I had tears in my eyes! 

We all want to have a healthy marriage—one that is exciting and romantic—just like it was when we were first dating. Then, along come babies, toddlers, young children and then the dreaded teenage years. As if children weren’t stressful enough, financial issues, career pressures, and just all the hurdles you have to jump in life come along.

All of those factors can take a serious toll on even the best marriage. So, how can you dodge the bullet of a dull or worse, bad marriage? 

First of all, communication is paramount. If you have young children, finding time alone is always a challenge. By the time everybody is fed, bathed, homework is done, and are in bed, mom and dad are usually exhausted and ready to get a glass of wine and watch some mindless television. While I can relate to that after raising four children, I cannot stress enough how important it is re-connect with your spouse without the children interrupting you every two minutes. 

When our four were young, as soon as we got everybody in bed, we used to head outside to the deck—or even the garage if it was raining outside. Granted, we live in the south so the weather is pretty cooperative most of the year, but the point is, get away from the television for even 15 minutes and reconnect. We are serious music lovers, so that was always a part of our “getaway.” Of course we did talk about the kids—who did what, what happened at school, etc. But we also talked about our days—what happened at work, the news, our families, etc. 

Just having 15 or 30 minutes to talk and focus on each other goes a long way to making sure both of your emotional needs are being met—and that they matter. 

Another critical component to staying connected is of course, date night. Before you think I am talking about hiring a babysitter, heading to an expensive restaurant and/or movie, and then getting coffee at an overpriced coffee shop, I am not. Although that does sound like an awesome date night! When our children were young, we couldn’t afford a date night like that—hiring a babysitter for four young children (if you can even find one you feel good about) is not cheap. Besides the cost, I was almost always exhausted at the end of the day and hardly ever felt like getting all gussied up to go out. 

Instead, we had numerous date nights at home! We would put the kids to bed, have a glass of wine (or two or more), put the music on, turn the television off, and cook dinner together. Later that night we might watch a movie—or we just listened to music and talked. The one rule for date night—whether we were at home or away from home? THERE WOULD BE NO TALKING ABOUT THE KIDS. Now that might sound like an easy thing to omit from conversation, but I promise, it was not. Inevitably, no matter what we were discussing, one of us would bring up a kid-related issue. The other person immediately admonished the other and we nipped the “kid talk” in the bud. Date night resumed. 

Even though our children don’t live at home now (woo hoo), we still carve out that all important time for re-connecting at the end of each day. We also love our weekend excursions and date nights that keep things interesting and our relationship close. Good relationships and marriages are never easy—and all of them have problems. However, being intentional about communicating with your significant other is truly key when it comes to longevity. 

Home Matters Tip: 

If things have been rather rocky in your relationship and you want to try to reset things, why not arrange for a surprise getaway? Secure childcare, pack his bag, pack the cooler with snacks and adult beverages, and surprise him with an overnight trip to the mountains or the beach. While on the outing, have a rule about no talking about the children—just spend it remembering why you fell in love.